terribleturnip

Today in the mail I got the following magazines/catalogs: Museum Replicas; Fredericks of Hollywood; Celebrating Greyhounds; Williams Brewing Supply; Revival Animal Products; Penzey’s Spices; Victoria’s Secret; Renaissance Faire; Fran’s Chocolates and King Arthur Flour. If only Haunted Attraction magazine and Pyratesway had shown up, I think I’d have all of my personal bases covered. My letter carriers typically either get a goofy grin on their faces when I see them, or have a hard time looking me in the eye.

And it was glorious. One day of familial duty. One and a half days of cleaning up the house. A half day of Faire work. A dinner party (that I actually managed to keep small, with my realistic expectations winning the battle with the but-I-want-to-invite-the-whole-horde). A sleeping-in day, followed by brunch, shopping and drinking. Obviously, my lifestyle requires four-day weekends. The list of things planned but not accomplished is still crazy-crazy long and I couldn’t paint the bathroom because at some point during Halloween, we stashed the paint…somewhere. And somewhere refuses to give up the goods. One key task not-accomplished was to finish putting away Halloween; no doubt the paint is under a pile of bodies or something. But hey, if someone stops by for a surprise visit, I would no longer die of embarrassment that they saw the conditions under which we were living, just be my usual omigod-why-can’t-I-be-an-adult-and-live-in-a-clean-house embarrassed. Unless my mother shows up, in which case, I’ll just have an embolism when I see the car and then it will no longer be my problem.

I’ve been saying it’s been since July that I’ve had a free weekend like that...but looking at the calendar, that’s not strictly true. If I’m talking about two days in which I had nothing scheduled that I didn’t schedule myself for personal pleasure (as opposed to duty)...it would be early March.

I am an idiot and need serious help.

So if you see me jettisoning activities, refusing to do stuff, skipping out, saying “no”, resisting scheduled activities…this is why. March. First weekend thereof. (And one weekend like that in January and two in February.)

In lighter news, in the past week I watched The Women for the umpteenth time. I never tire of it. Jungle Red. If you’ve ever heard someone use the phrase “Jungle Red” and you haven’t seen this movie…that’s where it came from. If you want a two-hour catfight with witty dialogue, you need to watch it. I don’t typically enjoy old movies…but this one is fab. I’m sad that Rosalind Russell wasn’t born later. She’s a natural physical comedian in a later era really could have had a lot more fun.

In related news, saw Mrs. Henderson Presents, so between the two movies, I am full of bitchy and strong woman. By the end of the movie I was so in love with Judi Dench that I swear if she’d shown up on my doorstep, I’d’ve married her on the spot. Seriously. If you’re a woman you need to watch this so that by the time you’re older, you can do that devilish grin and say “How delicious!” just like she does. If you’re a straight guy, there’s boobs. Everyone else...oh, it’s still a lovely movie.

Also reading Fool by Christopher Moore. Took me a little bit to get into it, but now I’m afraid it will end. And already, less than halfway in, he’s given me my new favorite expletive “Fuckstockings!”, my new favorite tagline “There’s always a ghost, isn’t there? “ and describing someone as a “whirlwind of tits and terror” which is now my new aspiration.

Dude needs to write faster. There’s just too much time between books.

Now, back to the grindstone, since four days of pretending I didn't have a job a